Dream Journal 2017

This year, I started keeping a dream journal for B—just a long-running note in my phone that I would add to whenever he told me about a dream. I started because I thought that first one was so funny. But now it’s kind of a fun thing, and a conversation that he’ll initiate sometimes. Like, “Oh hey! I had this dream last night!” Although most of the time, if I bring it up, he says he doesn’t remember. I guess he takes after Drew more than me in that regard. (Drew may be the sleep talker; I’m the vivid dreamer.)

Some of it gets kind of dark—you can tell he got really into Halloween and scary stuff this year, and hasn’t quite pulled himself back out yet.

Italics are me speaking. Otherwise the wording is all him.

February

We had a gopher as a pet and then we went to eat some ice cream, 1, 2, 3: me, Opa, and Gopher.

I had four dreams last night.

I had a dream about going across and across.
Across what?
Across the street.

March

I had a bad dream last night. There was a skeleton, and I was fighting him, and he was a BAD skeleton.

I had a dream about going to Grandma and Grandpa’s house after it flooded, and we built a gingerbread house.

Grandma and Grandpa were in my dream. We were in a 6-door car. There were no cats.

I had a short dream today. Oma closed the door all the way to get some papers out of the room. And then I saw their eyes and I started to cry.

I had a dream about Auntie Liz’s house. And Auntie Liz said probably it’s hiding from the next door.
What was hiding?
One cat and it was hiding from another one. I asked Auntie Liz to see where was Mike, and Auntie Liz said she was probably hiding from the cat next door.

April

Mommy, I had a good dream last night. Me and Little Red Riding Hood were in an elevator all by ourselves, and we were going up and down. No one was with us. First we went up, then down, then up. Just me and Little Red Riding Hood.

I was at school and I saw something this tall.
Is that little?
No, it’s very tall! I went to Mars so I could see what I could see on Mars.
What did you see?
That blue pellet up in the sky.

[We’re both sleeping in the living room bc he was sick]
Mommy…mommy. I had 400 dreams last night. This many.
[Proceeds to tell me the first one, but I’m so exhausted I don’t remember it at all]

May

I had one dream last night. It was a beach dream. There were no waves and no fish and no sharks and no whales and no sand. Just sidewalk and cars and a little sand. And little waves, like this high.

I had a dream that I was going to fall into the canal.
Oh no! What happened?
I didn’t go underwater.
Did you float?
Yes, I saved myself.

I had a dream that you and Ethan Wong were talking, and he was like, Whaaat? He went like that: Whaaat? He said, Whaaat?

Something bited me. A bird. It was black. The bird bit me because it was bad. It came from…I don’t know. Where does the bird hide?

My second dream was about an answer. It was kind of a doubled one.

In the first dream I went to school. In the second dream I was still at school.
What happened at school?
Baby H said hugs and kisses.

June

Did you have any dreams last night?
I didn’t have dreams. I had stories.
[won’t tell me any of them]

Grandpa was there, and he helped me build more electricity towers. They weren’t the brown ones, they were the clear ones. We were at school, and then we walked all the way to the condo. When we were building the electricity towers, we didn’t take the truck. We took a blue Hyundai Elantra.

November

When I was going down some steps, and then I fell back into my bed.

In my dream, I saw a big yellow cat, and it went like this. [does litter box dance move from the movie Puss in Boots] But then it wasn’t a cat, it was really daddy. It went under a gate.

In my dream last night, I kinda went to my school but it wasn’t it was a different school and I saw Jack Larkin there. And I saw that he was building with the Legos. And in my dream one more thing: we saw a stranger. It didn’t take us anywhere.

What’d you dream about?
*whispers*
Boogy man.
What happened in your dream?
Oogy Boogy. Oogy Boogy. Oogy Boogy. Oogy Boogy. He was tryna put me down the pipe.
Ooh, did he put you down there?
No he didn’t do it. Cause I cut him in two halfs.
What’d you use to cut him?
Knife.

Is that a graveyard or a corn maze?

I had a dream about touching Swakeek [elf on the shelf]. I touched him two times in one dream.
What happened when you touched him?
All his magic went into a soupcase that he carries.

December 

I dreamed that Frankenstein came to TTT [school extended care]. And I kicked his head up. It went up and into the water.
Uh-oh. Was he a bad guy?
No. He was a bad guy and a good guy. Also I pulled the bolts that hold his head up. Then I kicked his head off.

Two spirits, they were good and they took me and Trevor and Sean to the pharmacy to get a band-aid. All three of us needed a band-aid because we were outside hugging and we fell and bleeded.
That story you just told—did it really happen or was it a dream?
It wasn’t a a dream, it was a nightmare. Hey H, I have so much more blood than you.

One time I had a dream that everyone was wearing pajamas at the Fillmore in San Francisco.

I had too many dreams last night.
Do you remember them?
I just know that I sneaked out and got a sticker chart.
Ooh, what were the stickers for?
To put on the Legos.

Mama, I had a dream that I was eating snow.
Oh wow! Where were you in your dream?
I was in Hawaii.
There’s not usually snow in Hawaii.
Oh right…I was in Texas.

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Mild Roaring

I think I might have tinnitus.

(I was googling it and I guess “patients and laypersons” pronounce it “tin-EYE-tus” while “clinicians and researchers” pronounce it “TIN-ih-tus.” I hate to ever be lumped in with the laypersons so I’ve been pronouncing it TIN-ih-tus in my head and for purposes of writing this, but when I say it out loud it sounds so pretentious that I revert to tin-EYE-tus.)

Tinnitus is “ringing in the ears,” although it can also be described as “hissing, static, crickets, screeching, whooshing, roaring, pulsing, ocean waves, buzzing, dial tones, even music.” Luckily mine isn’t as annoying – it’s just like a lowkey dial tone. Sometimes it’s stronger, sometimes it’s quieter. But I was clicking through the sample sounds on this webpage and the eighth one – “Roaring” – kinda hit home for me.

My (possible) tinnitus might help explain why I feel like I’ve been saying “Wait, what?” more frequently. When I’m trying to listen through a closed door to see if that was a sleeping child crying out, or just something on TV, I find it annoying. But most of the time, it’s no more than mildly irritating, usually at night while I’m falling asleep. And then, it’s like my own personal white noise machine.

I hope it just hangs around like this without getting worse. I can handle a low-volume white noise machine in my head. Maybe that’s why I’m so good at sleeping. Maybe it’s a good thing, this mild roaring. It could be a lot worse. It could be “Cicada” or “7500 Hz Tone.”

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LMAO (Lively, Mirthful, And Oxen)

My five-year-old is learning to tell jokes. Last night he told me this one:

How do evil cows laugh?
MOO-HA-HA-HA

(He read it off his milk carton at school! How cute is that?)

Then later he told us these gems:

How do cows build things?
With their feet!

Where do cows go to school?
The farm!

Drew and I think he doesn’t quite understand punchlines yet. Also, he might think all jokes need to feature cows.

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A stroller down memory lane

When I was pregnant with my firstborn, my parents bought us what ended up being one of the most useful things off of our registry: a travel set that comprised a stroller, an infant car seat, and the base to secure the car seat into the car. We didn’t know whether we were having a boy or a girl, so we went with the elephant pattern, which I still think is adorable. (We also have an elephant-patterned pack n play, and had a matching bouncer.) (Because we are suckers.)

graco

A stroller is a big piece of equipment, and we live in a smallish apartment with a front door that is literally on the street. We don’t have storage space for things like bikes and strollers, but we quickly realized that the best place to keep it would be in the trunk of the car that most often transported the baby—my car. This way if we were out at the store and needed the stroller we’d have it, and if we were leaving home for a walk the car would be parked right outside and easy to get to.

When he (because surprise! it’s a boy!) was born I was driving a green Ford Taurus with gray leather seats that felt like a car for someone older than me, but it had a sunroof and one of those combination panels in the driver’s side door to unlock the car if you didn’t have your key with you, and I liked both those features. It also had big backseats to fit a car seat, and a big trunk for the stroller and whatever else we could wedge around the stroller.

A little over a year later, our baby had graduated to a bigger car seat, while his infant car seat sat in storage waiting for his eventual sister. I was driving home (alone, luckily) one day when I smelled smoke and then I saw smoke and so I pulled over and the smoke didn’t go away and as it got worse I realized something was really wrong, so I got my purse from the front seat and I got the stroller from the trunk and I opened the back door and tried to get the new, convertible car seat out but Drew had put it in and I wasn’t sure how to unlatch it, and I ended up abandoning it in the car. By the time a stranger pulled over there were flames coming from under the hood and the fire department was on the way, and I remember this man grabbing the stroller with my purse and some other stuff from the trunk sitting on it and saying, “We should move further away,” and pulling everything down the road away from the car. The car burned down to the frame, the fire department put out the flames before they crept into the bushes off the road, and it ended up being really the best ending possible to a story that begins, “One afternoon, my car spontaneously combusted.”

I got a new car and moved the stroller into that trunk. And there’s it’s stayed, taking up most of the usable space, forcing me to load groceries and Target bags and laundry and recycling and everything into the front seat or squished around the kids in the backseat. (There are two kids by this point in the story.) Most days it feels like this:

full

But the thing is, the second kid isn’t even little anymore, and she doesn’t want to ride in anything—a stroller, a grocery cart, whatever. She wants to walk. Or as she says, “Me do it!” And the big one is the size of a small pony so it’s not like he even really fits in the stroller. It’s just been taking up space lately, which is a valuable resource that we’re rapidly depleting as it is.

So this weekend, my parents were here, and we took advantage of them and their big truck by giving them a lot of kid stuff that’s been outgrown or discarded: toys that don’t get played with, and the stroller no one will use. It was a weirdly emotional moment, loading it into the back of their truck. I know someone else will be able to use it, but we just used it so much over the last five years. It’s a monumentally empty space now…which is good, because we need the empty space to grow into.

As God intended…filled only with LaCroix and sand:

empty

Next on the list: the changing table.

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Halloween 2017

At the beginning of October, I made a list of Halloween activities I wanted to do this month. I still feel like last year we got a little cheated out of Halloween (we were all super sick with a terrible flu on the actual day (and following days)) so I wanted to really throw us into it this year. Also, B is old enough to be really into it, and H is a lemming and will do whatever he does, so it was really fun to have two kids who were eager to dress up, trick or treat, do crafts, read scary books, and on and on.

My list went (in no particular order):

Bad Apple jamberrys (they glow in the dark!)

Spiderweb craft using B’s hand and string for a web – I think this actually turned out pretty cute!

Pumpkin patch – this is Lemos Farms in Half Moon Bay

Go home to visit grandparents and see the corn maze

Boo Fest at school

Decorate Halloween cookies

Gel clings on windows (a tradition now!)

Show the kids Hocus Pocus and The Nightmare Before Christmas (he liked it!)

Pumpkin carving

Finish B’s costume – this was my rendering using a pajama base from primary.com:

Shorten H’s Moana dress…she’s such a ham. In this picture, she’s just showing off her flower to the camera.

Trick or treating! Here is Moana and Puss in Boots:

And here is the embarrassingly large amount of candy they collected:

A good October! And now we are doing a few Thanksgiving-themed things before we dive headfirst into Christmas starting on November 24. Happy holidays!

 

 

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Halloween Reads 2017

I am so happy it’s time for this!

I spent most of September (re)reading Stephen King’s IT. I forgot how long it was and how tiny the type is. Given that I just gave 1100 pages to Stephen King, I think I’m going to try out some other authors for October. (Although if I have time I’ll crack open his latest, Sleeping Beauties, and see how that goes.)

I’ve collected a list here that I think is reasonable for a month. Some short stories, one play, and some classics.

“The Yellow Wallpaper” by Charlotte Perkins Gilman

Free on kindle! And apparently also free to read online here. (The only one I’ve finished so far.) This is a classic that I haven’t read since college. It was nice to revisit, although a little spooky how much I identified with the main character?

 

psycho

Psycho by Robert Bloch

I have a long relationship with this movie, but only recently realized it was based on a book. I couldn’t find this at the library so I ended up ordering a paperback copy of it, because I think real horror fiction is always better in mass market paperback form.

 

“The Thing on the Doorstep” by H.P. Lovecraft

Also free to read online here. I actually bought (?) the complete works of Lovecraft when I first got my kindle, because it was one of those “$3.99 for everything!” sales, but I’ve never gone back and read any. I heard this story referenced in a podcast (see below).

stranger

The Little Stranger by Sarah Waters

Sarah Waters is fantastic. This is basically an excuse to read a Sarah Waters book. They’re weighty but they’re worth it. I read her book The Paying Guests earlier this year and loved every minute of it. I don’t really know anyone else reading her books, but I don’t know why that is. She’s amazing at character development and plot.

 

woman in blackThe Woman in Black by Susan Hill

Now a major motion picture with Daniel Radcliffe! I’ll take the book though, thanks. Anything with the subtitle “A ghost story.” Great cover too.

 

Getting Away With Murder by Stephen Sondheim and George Furth

Did you know Sondheim wrote a straight play? It ran for 17 performances on Broadway. The characters are named after the seven deadly sins. I saw this and couldn’t NOT buy it. Now I can’t wait to start reading. (Can I convince the higher ups at work to do it next year? Probably not.)

daughters

Troubled Daughters, Twisted Wives by Sarah Weinman

Amazon calls this collection “Fourteen chilling tales from the pioneering women who created the domestic suspense genre.” The stories were written in the 1940s-1970s. Sold.

 

 

 

Additionally, I started listening to a podcast called LORE, about the frightening history behind common folklore. The episodes are 15-20 minutes long, and the creator picks a story and goes into the history of it. It’s entertaining and spooky, and the length is great.

And of course, the scariest thing I’m doing this year is watching The Handmaid’s Tale on Hulu. Terrifying stuff.

See previous year’s reading lists here:

2016
2014
2013
2012

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Popsicle prompts: Non-conforming gender roles

For my birthday, Drew gave me a jar of writing prompts on popsicle sticks. He made them all up. It was really sweet and really creative and I feel bad for thinking at first that he got the idea from pinterest. I should know better. He doesn’t look at pinterest.

Anyway, tonight I pulled out “Non-conforming gender roles” and wrote for 15 minutes and this is what happened. (Unedited.)

==

Lulu walked out the darkened doorway and into the side alley, a narrow walkway between two brick walls. She tried not to let any of her bags touch the walls as she moved toward the street. The alley smelled like wet garbage and urine, and something sweet. A grate in the sidewalk directly in front of the alley released thick white steam into the air, and Lulu skirted it, not wanting to inhale it, not knowing what it was.

She looked up at the apartment building, searching out the window on the sixth floor. She wanted to see if Jonah had left the light on, or if he had already turned it off and gone to bed. She wasn’t sure whether he was seven or eight windows in from the side—but most of the lights in the windows were off, anyway. It was after midnight, and a school night, after all.

She turned right at the next block and started walking toward the subway. She was carrying more bags than usual—her regular work bag, a small purse, plus a tote that was growing heavier by the minute. The train was only a few blocks away but she didn’t look forward to climbing the steps to the elevated platform. The escalator at Jonah’s stop was always out of order. Her feet were aching from the long day, but at least she knew she’d get a seat on the train.

She and Jonah had known each other for almost a year now. He was a college student, working his way through school at Fordham. She liked him, and thought he had a bright future ahead of him. She didn’t like that she was now old enough to think in terms like “bright future ahead of him.” She found Jonah incredibly attractive, which was useful, given the nature of their relationship, but when she was with him, she just felt herself growing older and older every minute. She wasn’t crazy about that feeling. She was only 32 and it seemed unfair that her lover made her feel geriatric.

Her phone buzzed with a Venmo notification. She glanced at it—a payment request from Jonah. Right on time. He must have sent it from his bed, right before he went to sleep. She felt sort of bad for keeping him up so late…again. She knew he had class early on Wednesday mornings. She clicked through to confirm payment of $250. She liked to pay him right away so they would stay on good terms. And, if she was being totally honest, she didn’t love seeing the Venmo notification icon on her phone any longer than necessary.

Jonah sent her a quick “thx!” text, with a kissy face following. Lulu’s heart thumped a little at that. And a little more at the message that followed: “C U next week I hope!” She knew that their relationship was purely business for him, but she was sure he had to like her at least a little bit. She was nice, she was friendly, she tried to ask him how school was, or whether he was still fighting with his roommates. She was clean and she always brought a change of clothes to his place, so she wasn’t in the same work clothes she’d been wearing all day. She felt like she cared about his pleasure too—she wanted him to enjoy himself, just like she was, even if it was technically a job for him. She figured, I enjoy my job, so there’s no reason why he shouldn’t also.

As she hauled her bags up the final flight of stairs to the platform, she looked back, at the sliver of Jonah’s building she could see. She knew his light was out but she still thought about sending him one more text, a “Sweet dreams” or an “I had fun tonight” or an “I can still feel you.” She knew it was a stupid idea. She was still staring at the cursor on a new text, debating what message would make him smile and maybe even respond, when the train pulled up, and she got on. Then the doors shut behind her and the train swept her away.

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