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Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt personally victimized by my 6-year-old

Recently, while putting kids to bed, I felt the need to spend a little extra time with B, who is 9 1/2 now and gets less of the small child cuddle time that he used to, so we try to still make room for that when he lets us. So I laid on his floor for a little bit and we chatted. At one point, H (who is 6 1/2 now and demands plenty of small child cuddle time) came in to see what was taking so long, and I sent her back to her room.

So then eventually I went in to say goodnight to her, and she said, “Will you lay with me like you laid with B?” and I was like, “Sure,” and tried to lie down next to her in her bed.

H: No, on the floor.

Me: I can’t lie in your bed with you?

H: No, you laid on B’s floor.

Me: Okay, well…your floor is kind of messy. [Floor is covered in LOL Dolls]

H: Hmm…you better clean it up then.

Me: [Properly shamed] [Clears space for self] [Lies down on floor]

H: [Lies in comfortable bed surrounded by stuffed animals and plush blankets]

Me: [Waits]

H: [Sings softly to herself]

Me: [Smiles…aww, she’s singing the song I sing to her]

H: [Sneezes]

Me: [Sticks my head up and smiles lovingly at her] Bless you!

H: Oh. I totally forgot you were in here.

Flawless. Great timing. And while this story doesn’t really support this, she is also the sweetest and most empathetic kid. But mostly on this night, I was just impressed by the deadpan nature and sheer level of roast she delivered. It just went on and on. 10/10. I mean, I did leave her room right after that.

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