I was brushing my teeth tonight when I looked up into the corner of the bathroom, where there has been a daddy long legs spider residing for the last couple weeks. He was still there, hanging out, in a compact but comfortable web that somehow clings to the smooth, damp, post-shower walls.
I am not a fan of spiders. I am really not a fan of spiders. I have had some run-ins with spiders that have resulted in lines of raid sprayed liberally across walls, rolls of toilet paper crumpled into baseball-sized masses, and once, memorably, a large decorative glass bowl filled with Jim Beam, into which I expected a spider to drop from the ceiling and drown – but what I hadn’t expected, what I hadn’t thought about, was the fact that even as I stood on a chair and held this really oversized bowl an inch away from the ceiling, I would see through the glass as the spider fell from the ceiling into the Jim Beam, and I would jerk away in fear, and splash Jim Beam all over the kitchen floor.
That was in college, before I had a guaranteed spider-killer around.
(Just now, I thought about saying spider-catcher, to pretend like around here, we trap them and safely let them outside, but the truth is, I’ll put crickets and ladybugs and moths and butterflies outside…but sorry spiders.)
Anyway. Daddy long legs spiders have always been different. They were around a lot growing up, they don’t seem to move as quickly or scarily as other brands of spiders, and they mostly live up in the corners and eat bugs. Or so I’m told. (Probably by paid daddy long legs PR reps.) So the daddy long legs in the bathroom can stay, as far as I’m concerned. At this point, it’s kind of nice to know it’s THERE, so I know it’s not SOMEWHERE ELSE.
So tonight I glanced at it and was like, Hi again, and then I thought, What is it living on? The bathroom can’t be the best place to set up a web. There aren’t any flies or gnats or anything in here.
And then clear as a bell I heard my dad’s voice in my head: I guess that means –
Me: Dad no
Dad: – he’s doing his job!
Dad jokes are not just for dads anymore.