50 Shades of Awful

I get kind of worked up about bad writing. Particularly about bad writing that makes all the bestseller lists. Especially when this bad writing really serves no purpose. And when everyone is talking about it, even though they all admit it’s bad.

The worst is when I secretly want to read it, just in case I’m missing out on something big.

But no. I will not succumb.

When I first heard about Fifty Shades of Grey, I wanted to see what all the hype was about, even knowing right off the bat that it was housewife erotica, and then finding out it was based off of a Twilight fanfiction – ugh. On Amazon, the first two chapters of the book were available for reading online, so I sat down and spent 20 minutes with Anastasia.

Oh. Good. Gravy. From that oh-so-purple way of getting the first-person narrator to describe herself (by staring in the mirror and bemoaning how “unattractive” she is – spoiler alert, she’s bee-you-tee-ful!) to the horrific exclamations (“Holy crap!” etc), this is one of the worst things I’ve read. And people are eating this up? Because…it claims to be erotic? For the record, there wasn’t any of that in the first couple chapters, but I could see where it’s going. And it’s nowhere good.

The articles I’ve read about the book(s – there are three of them) since then have all been making fun of it and talking about how bad it is. The reviews I’ve heard have been mostly, “Meh, it’s all right, but it’s not very good.” So why is this thing doing so well?

The only thing I can do is keep promising myself that I will not spend any money to read it. And that I will not succumb and get it from the library either. (Getting erotica from the library…ew?)

But this is my PSA so that hopefully no one else gets sucked in to this terrible writing. Don’t do it, people! Here is a list of other good series that would be way more worth your time:

  • The Underland Chronicles by Suzanne Collins
  • The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
  • Harry Potter by JK Rowling
  • The Green Mile by Stephen King (a serialized novel – kind of a cheat)
  • Anne of Green Gables by LM Montgomery
  • Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder
  • The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien
  • A Song of Ice and Fire (A Game of Thrones, etc) by George RR Martin
  • The Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis
  • Earth’s Children (The Clan of the Cave Bear, etc) by Jean M Auel
  • Dexter by Jeff Lindsay

Just a list of ideas, running the gamut from children to YA to adult. I’m kinda just pulling this off of my shelves, so I know there’s a lot that’s not represented. (Let me know if there’s a series you feel I should include!)

For the record, this article about Fifty Shades of Grey from Vulture is kind of hysterical. (Also kind of graphic, so maybe not for everyone.)

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4 Comments

Filed under "Other people", Books, Celebrities, Fashion, Not awesome, Self improvement

4 responses to “50 Shades of Awful

  1. Sara

    Have you seen the Fifty Shades of Grey skit that was on the most recent episode of SNL? Watch it…it’s pretty hilarious.

    Also, while I will probably never read the book, I read an interview withthe author who spoke about “getting sexually adventurous with her husband in preparation for writing the book.” Meh.

    I’ll read a book about sparkly vampires over housewife erotica any day.

    • Sara, check out that Vulture article – I think I may have it read it to myself in your voice. =) And I will definitely check out the SNL sketch.

    • Denise

      OK, these are light-hearted, easy reading books, but I love the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich. Stephanie is somewhat of a “bad” bounty hunter, who lives in Jersey. I usually don’t laugh out loud when I read books, but I just can’t help it with these books. (a movie is coming out this year, I think.) Another favorite series is Alexander McCall Smith’s “No.1 Ladies Detective Agency,” featuring Precious Ramotswe β€” Botswana’s leading, and only, female private detective

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